finleys first day of school

we decided to put finley in "pre school". its at a church in the next town over...on tues and thurs from 930-230...
i know she is only 19 months old, and i would have rather waited until she was 2, but they run like the schools do, so it was either put her in now, or wait until next aug when she was 2 1/2 and i didnt want to wait that long.
i really struggled with this...to put her in or not. ultimately we decided that it would be good FOR HER. the socialization, the structure, being with other kids her age...but i knew it would be VERY difficult for me! shes never been away from us (besides the occasional time we leave her with matts parents or sisters), shes never been left with strangers, or at day care, or anything like that. but i kept reminding myself that this will be good FOR HER!
so, tuesday was orientation day....we went to drop off our supplies and got to meet her teachers and go to her classroom. her classroom is just this cute little room, with 2 tables and some chairs, a book case with several books, a play sink, a play crib with some dolls, a few foam block thingys, and maybe a few other play things.


her teachers, miss lisa and miss linda seemed nice, lisa has been teaching at the creation corner for 20 years, and linda for 5 years. i like the fact that they are so accessible to us (me!), they each gave us their home #, cell# (told us to call or text any time), their email, and are on FB and became my friend!!!


when we went to finleys class, she was really into just pushing around the chairs! and looking at the books...all the other kids and parents didnt seem to phase her...and yes! she wore her beads to orientation! thats my stylish girl!

they have the classroom decorated cute...with the names of each child on different things...of course i took pictures of her cubby (with her name mis spelled, that was fixed by her first day!), a cute apple on the wall with her name, the schedule they try to follow each day (i like that they have all these class times...music time, gym time, art time, bible story time, lunch time, nap time....) , and her hook to hang her coat with her name above it....YES, I WAS THAT MOM, TAKING PICTURES OF EVERYTHING!

then of course, the pics with momma and daddy! she wasnt really into these, she wanted to get back to pushing that blue chair around!

then thursday came...her first day. the day i have been dreading....she was all excited to be leaving that morning...she carried her lunch bag over her shoulder and said "bye" as she walked out to the car...

i carried her in...and was snapping pictures the entire time...yep, i was THAT MOM again!

she was ok until we went down the little hallway that her classroom is in (there are 4 classes in this little side hall)...i swear, every child in those 4 classes were crying/screaming! you should have seen finley, she looked at me like "ummm, why are all these kids crying? do they know something i dont....but should know?!?!?!" she had this look of concern on her face...matt took her from me, kissed her and hugged her, then she came back to me...and

clung on!

she wrapped her little legs and arms around me and applied the death grip! i went up to her classroom doorway, put her back pack in her cubby, handed her teacher her lunch bag, put her sippy cup in the little container, then looked in her class and all the kids were screaming! (great) i looked at miss linda and said something like "boy, you guys are going to have a rough morning". and she smiled and replied, "they will be ok, they usually stop crying before you are even out of the church".

i then unwrapped finleys little body from mine, and handed her over to miss linda...

and thats when i saw finleys face...and wish i hadnt

her face was bright red, her mouth was open, her eyes were shut, and she was crying...with her arms reaching out to me (crush my heart right now)...and then i did the hardest thing ever

and turned and walked away (thats what they told us to do, dont prolong the good bye, it just makes it worse)....

i walked away...and started crying myself

(the 3 pictures on the left, finley still happy and smiling, the picture on the right is right before i handed her to her teacher, look at the look of terror on her little face)

then we went home (i made matt go with me) and i watched the clock...waiting for the time to go pick her up! i missed her little self so much! i kept looking on my camera at the picture of her class schedule so i knew what she was doing....

finally it was time to go pick her up!

i couldnt run into that church fast enough.

when i got to her door and looked in,

she was over by the window, quietly standing there, playing with a little flash light, and when she looked up and saw me....

her face just lit up! she smiled with her entire body and came running to me!

THAT WAS THE BEST FEELING EVER!

i couldnt scoop her up and kiss her face enough!

i know, ive been told it will get better.

ive been told she will love it...

ive been told it will be good for her

ive been told she will love playing with her little friends....

and i truly do believe all of that....

but that first days drop off SUCKED!

and i will never forget the look on her face when i turned and walked away....